There’s no doubt about it, I’m finally menopausal. The main symptoms are feeling very sorry for myself, crying a lot, having irrational thoughts and blaming Sean for everything. These feelings seem to come at random times and unfortunately I haven’t yet learned to recognise them for what they are so the irrational thoughts can sometimes lead to irrational decisions. This is what happened last week.
We had a long-standing arrangement to do an English teaching helpx placement with a lady in Thailand called Nitty. Two days before we were due to go all the above symptoms kicked in along with a migraine. As usual, I didn’t realise what the cause was but just felt I couldn’t cope with another helpx, the journey to get there, meeting Nitty’s family, the heat. All I wanted to do was go home. Sean, as usual was very patient, managed to avoid arguing (on the whole), kindly didn’t point out that I was slightly mad and didn’t complain when all our plans were up in the air again. I explained to Nitty that we couldn’t go but still felt really bad about letting her down. Then we had to decide what to do next.
We left Dayang Bunting, where we had been for a week of marvellous food, but where we had felt a bit overwhelmed by the hospitality and headed for Krabi in Thailand. From there we made our way to this island. It’s stunningly beautiful; we have a bungalow on the beach and we’re staying five days while we plan our next move. I feel rather foolish, but relieved that Sean is so understanding and hopeful that maybe next time I’ll recognise the symptoms before they take over.